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A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife & asked, "What?"

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A burglar broke into a house, He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables; &
when he picked up a CD player to place in
his sack, a strange, disembodied voice
echoed from the dark saying,' Jesus is
watching you.' He nearly jumped out of his
skin, clicked his flashlight off, & froze! When
he heard nothing more, he shook his head &
continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out
so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard,' Jesus is watching you.' Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yep, 'the parrot confessed, & then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you. 'The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people who would name a German Shepherd Jesus.'

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A husband and wife came for counseling after 20 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, the wife went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 20 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking the wife to stand, embraced and kissed her passionately as her husband watched with a raised eyebrow. The woman shut up and quietly sat down as though in a daze. The therapist turned to the husband and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?' The husband thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I fish.'

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Three women, two younger, and one senior citizen were sitting in a sauna.
Suddenly there was a beeping sound and the young woman pressed her forearm and the beep stopped.
The others looked at her questioningly. "That was my pager, she said. I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.

A few minutes later, a phone rang. The second young woman lifted her palm to her ear. When she finished, she explained, "that was my mobile phone, I have a microchip in my hand."

The older woman felt very low tech. Not to be out done, she decided she had to do something just as impressive. She stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. She returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from her rear end. The other raised their eyebrows and stared at her.

The older woman finally said . "Well, will you look at that…..I'm getting a Fax!!"
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I read of a man who stood to speak at the funeral of a friend
He referred to the dates on her tombstone from the beginning to the end
He noted that first came her date of her birth and spoke the following date with tears,
But he said what mattered most of all was the dash between those years
For that dash represents all the time that she spent alive on earth.
And now only those who loved her know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not how much we own; the cars, the house, the cash,
What matters is how we live and love and how we spend our dash.
So think about this long and hard. Are there things you'd like to change?
For you never know how much time is left, that can still be rearranged.
If we could just slow down enough to consider what's true and real
And always try to understand the way other people feel.
And be less quick to anger, and show appreciation more
And love the people in our lives like we've never loved before.
If we treat each other with respect and more often wear a smile
Remembering that this special dash might only last a little while.
So, when your eulogy is being read with your life's actions to rehash
would you be proud of the things they say about how you spent your dash?
Supplied by Linda Elmore
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John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?' they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project' said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

'Son, this robot is a lie detector; now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?' asked Marsha. ''The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy. The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair.

With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.'

'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, He is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times.

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Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale & a southern fairy tale??
A. A northern fairytale begins, "Once upon a time…" & a southern fairytale begins, "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!"

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ABATE OF FLORIDA, INC.
A Brotherhood Against Totalitarian Enactment's
American Bikers Aimed Toward Education
Nature Coast Chapter
PO Box 27
Bronson, FL 32621-0027
Webmaster Rick Britt
RTBrittJr@SoggyBottomComputer.com